Well, this is a loooooong time coming and I am so happy to begin taking clients again! After almost 12 months of managing my autoimmune disease and finding a treatment plan that works for my condition, I can now confidently schedule clients with out fear that I will have a flare up. Please share this so others know that they can now schedule their on-location sessions beginning the first week of May 2016.
Week 1: The Birth Order Theory
Last year I began my photo blog with a description of each the staples in my life-my children and my husband. The little bugger you see above is Emmabear (Emmalynn). I wasn't quite sure if she would keep her nickname. I was kind of on the fence thinking that just maybe she is going through the terrible two's. Boy was I wrong! And, boy am I happy! She is just as defiant, just as independent, just as outgoing and witty and courageous as ever. As trying as these traits in a three-year-old can be on the parent, I know she will grow to be a strong and inspiring leader.
Often times when we are out and about I get this question, "Is she the youngest?" As the question kept reoccurring it reminded me of the Birth Order Theory. Alfred Adler was the first to suggest that birth order influences personality. Simply stated it suggests that the first born child is ambitious, a natural leader with a high level of responsibility. The second born (or the middle child) is the peace-keeper, obsessed with fairness, and a social butterfly. Finally, the last born (or the "baby") is a risk-taker and oh-so charming. While psychologists have reasonings for all of this, and while I am not fluent in all the research, I find the theory intriguing but not reliable. First, my thoughts go directly to my children. While they fit some categories (and Emma certainly fits the risk-taker profile), their domineering traits are from at least two of the three categories. Secondly, from a more reliable perspective, more recent peer-reviewed data suggest no link, correction, and causal affects exist. Although society readily accepts this theory I can't get past the influence of gender, socio-economic statues, cultural norms, age, number of years between births, parental age, and genetics. Perhaps society is only recognizing and remembering those children that do fit their criteria and is dismissing (thus forgetting) the children that don't. There is most likely a lack of knowledge in the area as well. One of the latest theories is from psychologist Alan E. Stewart who suggests that personality isn't necessarily determined by numerical birth order but, rather, it is determined by psychological birth order (one's perceived position in the family). Regardless of either theory, there still exists the aforementioned variables.
I have to say I am obviously fascinated by the psychological aspects. However, regardless of personality traits in any order from any child, they are who they are that is what is important. With a stable environment, a healthy diet, and proper guidance I know all three of my girls will be able to use their stronger personality traits to be the best they can be.
Week 50: Breakfast with Santa
Week 51: Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas 2015
Week 42: Showering=2 Spoons, Laundry=5 Spoons
Most people have the luxury to wake up in the morning and not analyze their day. They get up, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, and continue with their daily obligations (work, grocery shopping, their children's sports, dinner with their family). People with a chronic illness such as lupus, fibromyalgia, and lyme disease wake up in the morning and first assess how much energy they have. Next, they compare that energy to what activities they hope to accomplish that day. This includes taking a shower, feeding the dog, and getting the children to school. The challenging part is this. Each of these activities require a certain number of units of energy (so to speak). If the person with lupus wakes up with 20 units of energy but the daily activities require 250 units, then the person is forced to prioritize what are already priorities. This is essentially known as The Spoon Theory, created by Christine Miserandino. The Spoon Theory is her analogy on what it is like living with an autoimmune condition. In other words, people with autoimmune conditions are given so many spoons, or servings, of energy a day and they never know how many there are going to be. Sometimes there are none.
While Christine's analogy has been the most accurate description on what life is like with my condition, it does leave out the viscous nature of the aches and pains that coincide. Though, I suppose that is another post. The Spoon Theory also does not depict the social/emotional repercussions. The first activities put aside are usually the ones that maintain a person's sense of belonging and feeling cared for (taking a coffee break with a friend, training for a half marathon, playdates with friends and their children). The priorities become getting the children fed, on the bus, driven to preschool, and making it your third doctor appointment that month. If it is a really bad day then even those get cut down and prioritized. Even the most compulsive person will leave dishes in the sink, tumbleweeds of dog hair on the floor, and piles of laundry unfolded.
The wrath of autoimmune is relentless and unforgiving. It not only affects the person afflicted, it also significantly affects the lives of their spouse and children. Although I still have my days of pure anger and frustration because of this, I can say that I have certainly learned some valuable lessons. You know that saying "Don't sweat the small stuff?" I have embraced that whole heartedly. Some how it's easier now. I also live in the moment more often than I ever have before. It makes moments so much more enjoyable and I worry significantly less. I have also learned what priorities really are. And, it isn't getting the dishes in the dishwasher (ok, Mr. KAP I may still have my moments but I have become a million times better at this!). So, if anything at all, I can at least say that my limited spoons have helped me grow into a stronger, happier person.
Week 43: Embrace Your Strengths
Shout loud, "I am lucky to be what I am! Thank goodness I'm not just a clam or a ham...Or a dusty old jar of gooseberry jam! I am what I am! That's a great thing to be! -Dr. Suess
Emma is three years old now. She could both recognize and identify all upper and lower case letters well before she was 2 1/2. While this would make the creators of the Common Core Standards dance for joy for their political purposes, I dance for joy because it represents my own unique, one of kind daughter. She happens to have a knack for picking up this literary concept (as well as discussing sequencing and plot). My oldest daughter was the complete opposite, but she was well on her way to drawing complete landscapes by 3 years old. She could see a shape, a detail, a color within a picture and and copy it to recreate the same scene. Her very first drawing, I will never forget, was a birthday card she copied entailing a flower, 2 bumblebees, and a couple hills. All colored in the lines and with appropriate colors. Bear in mind most children at this age are drawing simple shapes. My point for sharing this is simple. Decades of research by cognitive psychologists, neuroscientists, and developmental psychologists have proven that while there are typical developmental milestones, not one child will ever have the exact same strength at the exact same time. Nor may they ever have the same strength. And that is ok! While I struggle with the outlandish standards of the Common Core wrapping its vile tentacles around my children in school, my goal is to teach them to always embrace their strengths. Teach them that they are lucky to be who they are and know what they know. They are an original, unique, one of kind, and beautiful person in every possible and unexplainable way.
Week 40: It's Not The Size Of The Girl In The Fight...
...It's The Size Of Fight In The Girl! This little girl can be a feisty one. She is teeny, tiny, and petite and the smallest in her class. But, o my, does she shine!!! I haven't quite figured out where Gracie gets her spunk and liveliness from. Whether it be nature, nurture, birth order, or a combination of all three, I look up to my daughter. Who would have thought? You can look up to your children! They can be a role model to be a better person. Most of the time Gracie exudes confidence and personality. She radiates rays of sunshine with her ever-constant smile. This was never me as a child and although I can't say I'm nearly as theatrical, she most certainly inspires me to be more like her. I never would thought such a small person could contain such "fight." I never would have dreamed my children could be role models to myself. I thought that was my job! (LOL, wink!)
Week 41: Timeless Traditions
With my oldest currently 6 years old and my youngest 3 years old, I am finding that one of my favorite joys is creating our own family traditions. While pumpkin picking is a fairly universal tradition for families in the fall, it still fills my heart with happiness. A mom can't ask for much more than that.
Week 37: My Heart In A Glass Box
Tomorrow I entrust with you my beating heart in a glass box. Last year I gave it to another and she handled it with soft words and a delicate hand. I felt lucky. This year I must learn to trust again. Trust my little girl to be taken care of by someone else. Such simple words, "taken care of," but carry so much meaning. To some it may simply imply providing the basic necessities for survival-food, water, sleep. For me "to take care of" implies respectfully guiding, nurturing, monitoring, compassionately disciplining, and providing opportunities for growth.
You see, to a mother, her child is what keeps her heart beating strong. That child is her breath of life and when her child hurts, her heart hurts. Her heart hurts more than if someone were to hurt her own. So, begrudgingly, I will attempt to have faith that someone other than myself is teaching and, in part, raising part of my child. I will have faith that the right people were chosen for this monumental task. I will trust my beating heart with another.
Week 29: Preventing The "Summer Slide"
Week 33: You've Got A Friend In Me
Best friends, drinking buddies, soul mates, what have you. Friends are a key component to a fulfilling existence. So important, in fact, that it is the third level (out of five) on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Only surpassed by physiological and safety needs, the need to belong, to be loved, to be supported, and cherished is crucial in personal development and motivation. Friends help achieve this basic need.
The tricky part about having "friends" is that while some are simply amazing, others may be toxic. In a person's path to self-actualization they test many friends. Some will bring you up, cheer for you, support you and others will...well they might not bring out the best in you. This is when one has to be savvy enough to think, "whatever" and walk away. As I watch my children enter the "making friends phase," I find it difficult to watch their heart ache when confronted with children who have not yet learned basic skills in friendship. At the same time, my heart is full when I see them laughing and smiling with a friend who has.
The reciprocity in a genuine friendship is infinitely rewarding for children and adults alike. The best things about one of my best friendships are exactly what I will teach my children. A true friendship doesn't have any competition. You are always each others biggest supporter. Friends will make mistakes, but there will be no judgment, just an apology. One quality I personally love is that I can always count on my bestie to tell me the truth. What tops the list for me, what is priceless and worth everything, is that a true friendship is based on who you really are.
Week 17: The Longest Relationship You'll Ever Have
Sister's can share a special bond that far surpass genetics and biology. I have three baby sister's and no brothers, however I suspect the same to be true between a brother and sister. I am fortunate. My sister's and I are very close. Even our fiercest wars seem to have left no damage. Unfortunately I've seen the opposite. Jeffrey Kluger, author of The Sibling Effect, wrote that in the time of a traumatic event (for example a divorce or loss of a loved one) siblings are drawn closer together, put aside their differences to band together, and emerge a stronger couple in the end. I can't say I believe this to be 100% true; I've witnessed the opposite. What I can say is that if I do my job the best I can, teach my girls that they are a team, can thrive on their differences, and let go of the negative experiences, then they will always have a rock in their life. That rock, their sister, will intuitively know their thoughts, have their back whether they are right or wrong, be their shoulder to cry on, and be just as excited as they are when exciting new opportunities arise. They will have that unparalleled bond that is like no other-not even a spouse(don't get jealous spouse's. I'm not implying that it is better...just different). This is what I want for my girls. I want the relationship between them to be the longest relationship they have. I want them to be each other's play mate, mentor, protector, counselor, and yes, even tormentor and instigator. From each other they will learn to resolve conflict, have patience, make peace, walk away, and stand up. If I do it right they will grow closer. They will be all they need to rely on should bad things happen if I'm not around.
There exist hundreds of quintessential quotes on the internet about sisters. Most revolve around the notion that because you are sister's by blood, there will be rainbows and panda bears in your relationship. I know what I have witnessed and experienced have led to me this conclusion, but I am a firm believer that blood is not thicker that water. The impenetrable sister bond is built brick by brick and if it isn't nurtured the big bad wolf will find a way to knock it down. To my sisters Debra, Amy, and Lauren my favorite quote that always brings my thoughts to you, "I had the greatest friend when I was a kid...and I got to keep her the rest of my life." To my girls, I wish the same blessing for you and I will do my best to teach you this.
Week 34: Not Knowing Is Maddening
Hashimotos, central hypothyroidism, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, CREST syndrome, and now...multiple sclerosis. Tomorrow's MRI will take 2 hours. Then a week for the results. The waiting and the testing has lasted over a year. The diets and medications have been over two years. The most difficult part is waiting. Anger, frustration, sadness, uncertainty (this is the hardest for a Type A like me) take over some days. And then there are days when you meet the right doctor, or read about a new break through in research, or someone comes along and says just the right thing. Those days are filled with hope and encouragement. Those days help me make it through the roller coaster of symptoms.
Anna, my little artist, wanted to paint the mad hatter. So we made his hat instead. That's when it came to me. "Maddening!" It has been impossible trying to explain the feelings associated with autoimmune disease and the process of receiving the accurate diagnosis. In a nutshell, combining all of the emotions, it's simply maddening.
The uncertainty is the worst. Not knowing if my hands will eventually be crippled and I won't hold a camera again. Not knowing how much I will be able to participate in my children's lives, not knowing how my children will view their mom. "My mom doesn't take me to my practices," "My mom missed my game again," "My mom missed my art show." "My mom doesn't come help out at my school like my friend's moms do." Of course I know it won't be my fault-although at the same time those thoughts my girls may have will be because of me. I also know that I still do more than many parents out there. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier, though. So for now I soak up the pretty good days and accomplish as much as I can. I clean the house more, try to reconnect with my friends, and spend more time with my girls. On the bad days my husband picks up my slack while I fill up with guilt. Until next week, and very likely the follow up tests, that will occur I try and hide the mad hatter's hat.
Week 26: I'll Bet You Know A Thing or Two! You're Super Smart! I'm Proud Of You!
Kindergarten was, for the most part, a blast for this little girl. Anna loved going to school-well except for waking up in the morning! It was torture for Mommy, though. Am I the only mom who DOESN'T wish summer vacation would end so their kids can go back to school???
Week 24: Flag Day Celebration
I have no words for this tonight. I am just simply in awe. My first baby finishing her first year of school. She has grown into a little girl. She was pushed to learn more than every generation before her (thanks to the vile tentacles of Common Core). Despite the intense pressure to learn developmentally inappropriate standards that are far beyond her cognitive years she has persevered. Not with out struggle, but still, she did it. And saying I'm proud of my artistic, inquisitive, sensitive, nurturing little angel is nothing less than an understatement.
Week 23: Daddy's Little Helper
Week 22: Almost Three!
A quick picture just to mark the time. Emmalynn is almost three years old. Happy, healthy, and full of spirit! A mommy couldn't ask for anything more!
Week 21: "Oh, The Places You'll Go!"
I have always said that one day this little girl will move mountains and I still believe it's true! When I think of you, my Gracie Lu, here is how I think of you: determined, confident, resourceful, bold, creative, passionate, intelligent, and independent. At the same time inquisitive, sensitive, a hands on learner, and highly committed. All at such a young age! No doubt you can take on the world so like Dr. Suess said, "You're off to great places, today is your day. Your mountain is waiting, so...get on your way!"
Week 20: They Aren't As Dangerous As They Look...And Neither Is The Dog!
Ok, I'll admit it, not the highest quality image. But it depicts our life perfectly. As much as I gripe about our dogs, I couldn't ask for a better Shepherd than my Bailey boy. Truly a gentle giant when he needs to be and a lap dog at heart. When necessary, however, a fierce and loyal protector.
Week 18: Breakfast At The Market
One of our favorite things to do on a week day that Mr. KAP is off of work. The Rochester Public Market where we get most of our fresh organic fruits and veggies and organic, grass fed meat for the week.